Old Song Lyrics | The Suicide Room & The Morning After

I try to be open with you all about my life and my past, even though I don't post too many personal things on here or on any of my social media pages. I never intend to try and keep things a secret, I'm just not the type that likes to blast what's going on all over the place.


With that being said, some of you all know that I used to rap when I was in my late teens and early to mid 20s. My late teens were a hard and dark time for me. I had lost friends and family members to different illnesses and situations. I, myself, struggled with anger and depression issues, and had gotten involved in some things that I'm not proud of.


In 2009 and early 2010, I attempted suicide on two different occasions. The first time I was talked out of it by a friend, but the second time I had a gun to my head and I actually pulled the trigger. Fortunately, one of my friends had borrowed my gun and had shot off all of the ammo that I had. So, therefore, it wasn't loaded.


So, now having told that, I want to share two songs me and Havik wrote and recorded back in 2013. The song's are The Suicide Room and it's sequel The Morning After. We wrote them with the intentions of showing that suicide is not the way out of a problem, it only makes it worse. And I am sharing it here with you all, hoping that it can be beneficial to anyone who may be struggling with depression and self-doubt.


THE SUICIDE ROOM

I’m going insane, but everybody thinks that I’m playing It’s too late for grace, this isn’t something I’m just saying Well it was at the start of it, ‘cause I thought I’d look cool Everybody would show me attention, but wasn’t I fooled Nobody cared, nobody stopped to talk to me I am an outcast, and my demons are starting to taunt me Saying, "Yes, what you’re thinking is best, they don’t know you’re alive So just shoot yourself in the head, and with their soon coming breaths, they will cry Don’t you want them feeling sorry for you, Derek?" Yeah, yeah I do, but won’t I regret it? No, no I won’t, ‘cause I’ll be dead, so let’s teach ‘em a lesson Besides, life’s too hard, it’s always got me stressin’ So I wanna throw it away, without asking any questions I hope me being gone, to them is a blessing So I press the barrel up under my chin, and pray it doesn’t fire a blank Blow my brains everywhere, I just cashed out the bank


I walk into the room, feeling all gloom I see Death in front of me, y’all see him too With stretched out arms, he embraces me with a hug Finally after death, I have found true love


Should it be a gunshot, or a bottle of pills? You don't know the problems I've got, mixed with a lack of will Parents always fighting, they scream and shout Take a hundred Tylenol, I'm about to blow my brains out Should it be jumping off a cliff, or let a noose catch my neck? You don't know my problems and shit, the stuff I deal with, my life's a wreck My best friend died, now I'm all alone I'm a bird tied down, jumping, trying to fly home Should it be a blade that cuts my flesh, or a needle pressed to my veins? You don't know me at my best, better yet, you don't even know my name People always pick on me, they point and stare Everybody sees my track marks and scars, and still they don't care Or should it be me lying at the bottom of a tub, or with a curling iron by my side? I don't know how to feel loved, you'd be better off just to let me be I've came to the conclusion, I'm a failure at life It's time to end this song and forever say goodnight

I walk into the room, feeling all gloom I see Death in front of me, y’all see him too With stretched out arms, he embraces me with a hug Finally after death, I have found true love


THE MORNING AFTER

The morning came, and they found my body laying All over the place, like someone sprayed it Over there is a big part of it, soaked in red drool Everybody gasping from the stench, it’s got a strong allure Everybody’s scared, everybody thought that they had lost me But I realized last, that maybe they had thought of me So I guess, I really lost them instead, and threw away my life And I guess, I didn’t think about the next morning, when they’d cry I guess my wish came true, now I’m regretting it Yeah, yeah I do wish I could do it different But I don’t have that option, why was I asked that question? "Don’t you want them feeling sorry for you, Derek?" No I’ve learned my lesson Life’s full of blessings, so why was I stressin’ My demons did me wrong, saying "Just test ‘em" I wish I knew this then, maybe I would’ve prayed But I can’t live again, I know I made a mistake


Everyone in the room, they miss me true They loved me, but now my fate’s doomed I did myself harm, when I went for the hug But now after death, I found that I was truly loved


The next morning when this life is over All I wanted was a little bit of closure All I ever asked for, was a little bit of help Now that my life's over, these cards are yours that's dealt The next morning you find my tear soaked note All night they were pouring, as I sit and wrote Trying to find the words to make this sound right Trying to describe to you my strengths and fights The next morning when another life's taken Without warning, another heartache, another child unwaken They never second guessed, neither did I, to the fact That what we do to others will have such and impact The next morning when I realize what I have done Thoughts soaring, of one more family missing a son I'm come to the conclusion, I'm a failure, even in death It's time to end this song, and forever wish you my best


Everyone in the room, they miss me true They loved me, but now my fate’s doomed I did myself harm, when I went for the hug But now after death, I found that I was truly loved

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